Well-earned descent - final post

From diagnosis to my recovery today, 4 1/2 months have transpired. In that time, we've gone through chemotherapy, radiation, many tests, a 10hr surgery and now we're winding down with a positive recovery period. This blog was titled "time to climb" in reference to rising above all this, overcoming these difficult, but not monumental challenges - it also shared meaning with some of my favorite hobbies - flying and mtn biking. "Time to climb" is a decision, one that can be selected each time life throws another obstacle in front of you.

At the end of every climb, comes the well-earned descent, whether losing altitude for a landing at our destination or cresting the mountain to find the sweetest singletrack trail to take us home, every climb is rewarded. As I look back on this recent climb, it was not without difficulty at times, but never did I find myself in a position that I didn't have the right gear to continue the climb. As a mtn biker, I've always been a fan of the short, technical climbs versus the long, arduous ones that continue on for miles. So I learned a great deal of patience on this climb, especially in the hospital. Good results are worth the wait. As with many of my epic rides, there was so much to take away from this journey. The outpouring of love, the shear number of people supporting me, concern from so many places I would never have expected - all of these added to my journey, to my climb, making the experience more rewarding. Know that your support - the prayers, emails, positive thoughts, therapy rides, texts, phone calls, cards, gifts - no matter how small to you, served as a significant motivating factor to me, when I needed it most. I knew I had many people to succeed for, too many to fail in front of - hence my focus through this.

I've heard the phrase "God works in mysterious ways", but I'm not a believer. There is no mystery to this - He never gave me more than I could handle and tested my faith through all of this. I hope He is proud of how I responded, never once questioning his motives or his plan. I accepted it and set out to do all that I could do to affect a positive outcome. There is indescribable peace that you feel when you consent to follow His plan, a peace that adjusts your outlook to the challenges ahead. It was this peace that made my journey through chemo, radiation and surgery appear easy to many of you. I placed my trust in Him and my stress and anxiety were almost nonexistent. 

As this is my final blog, I wanted to give you an update on my condition. My cancer responded very well to the entire treatment plan. The chemo/radiation done before surgery successfully reduced the tumor and eradicated any cancer cells in the region targeted. The surgery removed 2/3 of my esophagus and 1/3 of my stomach to insure they removed any affected areas around the tumor. These were then successfully reconnected and the final results will be determined this Thursday, at which time I may part with my feeding tube - try not eating or drinking for THREE weeks! Hey, but I'm down to a svelte 180lbs!! C'mon - there had to be some benefit to cancer treatment :) Once the feeding tube is removed, I'll return to life as it was pre-cancer. So we're excited to be at this point. I will be tested every 6 months for the first 2 years and once a year after that to insure there is no change to my cancer-free status. No fears here - God's got it!

When I look back on this journey, specifically the day of the diagnosis on Christmas Eve, I never expected what I got. Through chemo & radiation, I never missed a day of work, rode my bike 3x per week and continued on with Ski Patrol. It seemed to last forever, but never had the impact on my body that I expected. Surgery was much longer than initially thought, but to think that within 24 hours after surgery I'd be up walking - well that wasn't expected either. Now to think that in less than 6 months I'd go from diagnosis to living a cancer-free life again....well, let's just call it short of a miracle. I'm so very fortunate for this outcome, but that is the one thing I expected - to be cancer-free again. I had too much going for me for any other result - God, great medical team, family and friends.

WE did it. Thank you with much love!

Just what the Doctor ordered

After spending 8 days in a hospital room, no matter the level of attention and concern from the staff, I had grown tired of looking out at the hills above Duarte only wishing for some time outside. So yesterday, with the temps hanging at a comfortable 85, it was the perfect remedy for my cabin fever. Even with limited mobility, due to being attached to my J Tube for feeding 20 hours of each day, nothing beats being outside.

We had friends stop by yesterday to check in on me and share the afternoon. I was taking a break from the tube feeding when they came by, so I think they were surprised to see me moving around so well a week after such a major surgery. I still have quite a ways to go in my recovery, but it felt good to be outside hanging out with friends. Much has been accomplished in the week after surgery and I'm ready for steady progress until things are back to work, back on the bike, back to contributing at home and back to doing all those things that give me such reward in life.

My pathological report came back Friday night after my last post. The prognosis is very good based on the results and my body responded well to their treatment plan. We'll have a testing schedule set over the next 5 years to manage and monitor any changes. No more chemo or radiation required!! At this point, despite a smaller stomach (2/3 size now) and shorter esophagus (1/3 size now), I'm ready to get back to normal life over the next 2, 3, 6 months. My eating and drinking habits will change, but that's actually a small price to pay to have life back.

More friends headed over today, more time to be outside today - another day in my recovery that will be better than the last!! Yup, just what the Doctor ordered......

Mixed Feelings

Just walked into the house - a full 8 days after leaving for my surgery. Had this date clearly noted on the calendar - said "Surgery done, hospital recovery complete". It had a small footnote..."cancer free". That's how big this day was supposed to be for me, like cresting a long hill climb to the view of a sweet singletrack decent. In mountain bike parlance, a tough effort followed by an epic downhill ride! That's what I had in mind for today, a celebration of sorts that all the hard effort was behind me, and now I just had to be patient while my body got back to shape. It wasn't the fact that the pathological results are still due, so I can't honestly conclude "cancer free" yet, but I couldn't muster the excitement of the day.

You see, I received a message this morning from my very good friend that his wife was diagnosed with an inoperable cancerous tumor adjacent to her brain - 40, great lady, strong physical shape, loving family, just relocated to be near more family - DAMN! This wasn't part of their plan or on the radar. Cancer doesn't discriminate - it wants everyone. I've got to get beyond the initial punch in the gut, like I'm sure they have experienced this week, and then become a true friend and offer them the same love, care and prayers they offered in my support. But I know firsthand that their resolve will be much stronger than mine and I will be there with them through it. I never set out to speak 'firsthand' about cancer, but if I can help just one person know with a strong support group, good research on your own, a great medical team and through God's mercy, there is hope for ANYTHING. God thinks on a much larger plane that we do, so we can't think so limited when there is always hope.

On a positive note, the theme that I was prepared to center my day around, my 7-day stay in the hospital following my 10-hour surgery was very productive. Despite my 12 tubes/wires, I was up and walking the day after surgery. The medical staff was so supportive and caring, and each day we made progress together until all of the tubes, except my feeding tube, were gone. On day 1, I was in ICU doing almost nothing on my own, relying solely on my doctors and nurses to function. Sleeping was an impossibility with the twice/thrice-hourly interruptions around the clock. As the days went by, the tubes got less, and I was doing much more on my own, including walking the shine off the floor tiles. By the end, I was back to independence and ready to get out of the hospital to continue my recovery, which happened a few hours ago. 

Thanks to those who respected my wishes of waiting until I arrived home before visiting. My voice is still rough, but having this singular focus allowed me to really maximize my time in the hospital with the medical staff. I learned a lot about me and about my cancer, in this limited- distraction environment. My road to recovery is far from over, but I like where I'm at. I've now got to help a friend get through this. Thanks for all you've done for me!!

 

"Recovery Wall"

The big day is finally here! Less than 24 hours from reaching my goal of having this tumor removed from my body!! Can't wait. These past 3 weeks since the original surgery was postponed have seemed to last forever, and while I've finally bonded with my feeding tube, it's time to put that darn accessory to use.

The emails, phone calls and silent prayers for me this week have been overwhelming - THANK YOU! I have drawn much comfort and strength from your concern and understand that even though I'm the only one getting cut up here, there are many who will be right there with me. I've said it before, it's a very moving and powerful feeling. I'll succeed simply because I'm afraid to disappoint so many!

I listened to a pre-surgery mental imagery CD that my healthcare provider sent me yesterday. It prepares the mind in a peaceful state, similar to yoga, to allay any anxiety or trepidation one might have before going under the knife. I can honestly say, without any added bravado, that I have no fear or anxiety going into this. I have an amazing prayer network, the best medical staff, including the surgeon who's done this specific procedure more times than any other surgeon in US, and I've placed my faith in God to determine the best outcome. I've done my best to prepare myself for this day, and now turn myself over to their skilled hands.

Many of you have expressed interest in coming to the hospital during the ~5 days I'll be there. Without sounding unappreciative, I'd ask that you wait until I return home and come there to visit. I will likely lose my voice for several days following surgery and having visitors will only stress the situation. I hope you understand. For those intent on sending flowers, please note that the hospital has a 'no flowers' policy due to the compromised immune systems of so many of their patients. Please feel free to send a 'money bouquet' - know as a donation - directly to the City of Hope in lieu of flowers. That would be an incredible gesture - please let me know so I can send thanks! Your money will be put to very good use researching this awful disease (& is tax deductible unlike flowers)
 https://secure3.convio.net/coh/site/Donation2?df_id=1800&1800.donation=form1&JServSessionIdr004=ta4qjendu3.app304b

Lastly, I'll encourage you all to post something on my 'Recovery Wall'. This is your chance to participate in my speedy recovery. It could say "stop by for a quick walk", "count me in on your first bike ride", "I'll call with some encouragement to get you going again". However you can help in my recovery process, I want it posted on my 'Recovery Wall'. I will post all of these on my 'Recovery Wall' at home and cross them off as they are completed. Feel free to get creative. Come climb that wall with me!

Thank you all for taking this journey alongside me. There clearly is power in numbers. Look for an update late Friday or early Saturday from Rose, since the 10-hr surgery should be completed by 5-6pm on Friday evening. I thank God for great family & friends! See you soon!!!

Rolling Support Group

What a day we had Sunday! It was my last day to ride before my surgery and the long recovery that will follow, so we set out to make the most of it. Had my "rolling support group", who has been pushing me out on the trails since my chemo/radiation treatment, come over to do a "church ride". We rode from the house to church, attended a very moving service, and then set out for a Sunday ride, Pastor included! He had to be thrilled as the crew found different ways to incorporate his Sunday message throughout our ride! 

One of our friends in the congregation, who is a big road rider and an Ironman, decided to accept our offer to hit the trails on a mountain bike. So we had good sized group on the ride and thoroughly enjoyed the 80 degree day in the shade of Marshall Canyon. This is my home track, just outside my door, but for some reason, the trail had a much different look yesterday. It was much more peaceful and the trees were really beautiful. We kept a good pace, but perhaps that allowed me to see more of this trail than my normal ride. Maybe it was the company I was with. Or the earlier message that spoke of Peace. At that moment, I really didn't care why, I just wanted to appreciate something that I won't see again for a many weeks.


A few scrapes and bloody knees later (no, not me - I've been especially careful not to fall with my tube!), we finished a great ride and returned to the house to enjoy a few beers and Murph's famous trail tacos (I know, they're only famous in my mind!). That's really why I ride - for the post-ride camaraderie. I toasted to a great "last ride", which got everyone's attention - meaning the last one before surgery, of course! I've ridden my mountain bike with a separated shoulder while one arm was still in a sling - if that didn't stop me, surely cancer won't put the brakes on my desire to ride.

But the casual conversation on the patio turned into a bike clinic when two of my buddies tore apart Pastor's 20-year old bike to overhaul it. Three hours later, it looked like a new bike - and certainly functioned a lot better. He was thrilled that the creaks were gone and his bike was all cleaned up. But the bike was still 20 years old, so with a brief moment of discussion, that should have taken place 3 hours earlier, we jumped online, pooled our resources and bought him a brand new bike. Could have saved all that repair and cleaning with a few keystrokes earlier!! Now I'm afraid this guy is going to be too fast for me when I get back on the bike following my recovery! But I can't think of someone who will appreciate a "new ride" more than he will. That's what friends do for each other.

What a great day, what a great way to segue into my prep week for surgery. God, friends and family - that's really all we need. I was lucky to have a day filled with them!

 

Good things come to those who wait!

I certainly hope the subject line is true. My treatment went from fast forward to a slow rewind over these past 30 days, but the finish line is finally near!! With all I have going on in my life outside of my treatment, these days should be flying by....but they're not. I'm not fixated on my cancer, but very focused on the plan in front of me. I have to laugh when my work colleagues, where I've picked up significant new responsibilities in the past week, remind me to center my attention on my health. I am laser-focused. While our ski season is over, my new responsibilities with Ski Patrol require continued work to prepare for the next season, not to mention some teaching duties in our off-season first aid class. So with all of this book-ended around my treatment, why do the days seem to be mired in quicksand??

"Good things come to those who wait" is a proverb derived from a bible quote that seems to have fallen out of favor with the "instant gratification" crowd (must confess to be a card- carrying member, unfortunately). This was the slogan for ad campaigns from Guinness and Heinz ketchup, and those are worth the wait for sure. But I have a hard time comparing the wait on those products to the wait I'm dealing with regarding my surgery. It's not anxiety, as some have suggested, it's the challenge of slowing the mind and body of a classic type-A personality to accept that time is not a personal choice. Patience truly is a virtue, and I would say a skill I'm still working on perfecting.

Yesterday I met with my anesthesiology team at City of Hope for my last consultation before surgery next Friday, April 26th (for those of you keeping score). I was informed that this particular type of surgery is TEN hours long. I had in my notes 4.5 - 5 from an early consultation, so I wasn't prepared to hear this. In true type-A style, I contacted my surgeon from the consultation room to get his explanation, assuming something had changed, there were complications I wasn't being told or he needs to leave mid-surgery for a golf tournament up the street. Answers...needed answers quick. Apparently, this is SOP for this procedure, so he told me to chill - afterall, I'd just be laying there asleep and he would be the one doing the extra 5 hours of work!! Of all the nerve!

Headed out for a good long bike ride this morning, feeding tube and all, and will remind myself that it will be a while before I'm back on these trails again. So I'll take it all in today and remind myself how lucky I am to be in this position - just one week away from being healthy again (not counting the endless recovery period, or course!!). I'll post again before surgery with all the up-to-the-minute details to keep this all straight. Thanks again for all of your continued positive thoughts and prayers - they have really made the difference in my treatment. The doctors are good....but you have been great!!

Pain in my Side

It's been 3 weeks now since I was prepped for surgery, which included this obnoxious feeding tube in my side. It made sense at the time, since the surgery was a week away. But when it was delayed for 3 1/2 weeks to heal an ulcer in my esophagus, caused by the radiation, it meant carrying this tube around for over a month before surgery. It has become a real annoyance and a pain in my side. When I walk, I feel it...when I ride, I feel it....when I cough, I feel it.

But I believe this tube represents more than just irritating pain. Life after surgery will leave me with small adjustments to my daily routine, so this tube is serving to prepare me for those small annoyances that are in store. Putting this all in perspective has helped me deal with my little tube for now, but I'm sure I'll have a new appreciation for it when it feeds me for 2 weeks after surgery! 

This weekend, I took 'the tube' up to Big Bear to teach an emergency care course to our future ski patrollers. I thought about using it to demo an 'impaled object', but opted not to embarrass the students, or more likely, me! Might as well get some entertainment value out of it, right?! After class, I joined a few patrollers on a mountain bike ride. If the pace got too fast, I'd have 'the tube' as my excuse! This thing can really be beneficial!!

Yes, all things in life truly are a matter of perspective. Find the 'flip' side of your problem and you'll discover a new outlook. I never bought the saying "when life gives you lemons, make lemonade" - but at least have an Arnold Palmer!