Hurry up to Wait

If you asked Rose, that saying pretty much sums up my personality. I'm always in a hurry, but get nowhere. From the moment we heard my diagnosis on Christmas Eve, I've been pushing every test, every procedure, every consultation to get through this treatment as quick as possible, not giving cancer any chance to spread. I've effectively navigated chemotherapy and radiation, which were moved forward more than 3 weeks. My surgery was initially scheduled for mid-April, but moved to April 1st - still not sure why anyone would operate on April Fool's Day or Friday the 13th?? Seems now I've avoided both of those dates, but will have to wait until April 26th - a good thing. That's a solid month with a feeding tube protruding from my side. I know - deal with it!!

I find myself in a position where there is nothing to do but wait. In this conquest against cancer, there hasn't been a time to relax and breathe. We've been going nonstop since Christmas Eve with research, consultations, decisions and what seems to be daily trips to City of Hope for treatment. So this waiting around stuff is new territory, a place where I find myself slightly out of my element. Time to let off the gas pedal and cruise for a while, but I must admit, I like the warrior-going-to-battle-everyday versus the strike-a-yoga-pose-and-breathe-deeply. My idea of breathing deeply is gasping for air after a steep climb on my mountain bike. It's unnatural to breathe on cue as opposed to breathing because your lungs are on fire. I get it, deal with it! I'm trying, but that line about old dog, new tricks must certainly apply here. So give me a minute.

Yesterday I took a 7 mile hike with Rose to reflect on these next 3 weeks and how best to handle this time. I resigned myself to use this time to condition my body for surgery and make a formal effort to reach out to all those I know who are battling along side me right now - those I mentioned in my last post. We are all going through the same process right now, albeit with differing cancers, but we're facing similar issues. I'll use this time to let them know that the support goes far beyond those you know. Example - a childhood friend's father approached me at my Mom's service last weekend and told me that he was following my blog - I hadn't seen or spoke to him in over 20 years!! He and his wife are praying for me all the time - WHO KNEW?? Powerful. Brings me to tears thinking about how deep and wide this support really goes. 20 years, man! WOW! I need a kleenex now - it's so touching. So that's what I'm going to do - I'm going to make each one of them reach for their kleenex box - show them some more love from a place they didn't expect it. 

A great quote from yesterday's sermon - "If you're worrying, you're not trusting God. If you're trusting God, you're not worrying". I think this sums up why this battle has been relatively easy for me. I've placed my total trust in God that he has a plan for me through this. I accept it, no questions. Makes it so much easy to move on. See Rose, I am getting somewhere.....